I had a situation happen today where I really messed up and dropped the ball on something I was supposed to do. There were about 8-10 people that were counting on me and it left me feeling so disappointed in myself when I realized what I had done, that I had let everyone down.
It pretty much derailed the rest of my day today as I had to spend this afternoon and into this evening doing what needed to be done and taking care of things, instead of all the other things that I had planned.
As I spent the afternoon taking care of these particular things, I began to think of what could come from this whole scenario, because I believe God speaks to us even in the smallest of situations in life. So I began pondering and thinking what he might be speaking to my heart in this situation.
I began to realize how quickly I can go down the wrong road in situations like this when I have disappointed myself and others, where I go into self-shaming and feeling so down on myself. I felt almost this warning to my heart, I guess you could call it, that today was to be different because today was a new day, where I needed to make a conscious choice that I was not going to beat myself up for places where I struggle and the times that I make mistakes.
It saddens me that this is so widely accepted in our society, where we somehow make it ok to shame ourselves and beat ourselves up over failures, which I have never yet seen produce growth and health in anyone’s life. So what does it do? Does it make me want to be a better person? Does it make me want to try again? Does it lift my head or cause it to hang low?
I believe a better solution that I’ve known in my head for a long time but now I’m working on allowing it to move into my heart, is to take responsibility for my actions, apologize and make things right in whatever way the situation needs, and then move on with my life, with my head still held high!
I believe I came to a major crossroads today, and it was clearer than I’ve ever felt it….was I going to grow up and mature in this area or would I make the choice that continue to walk this road I’ve walked so many times, where I wallow in self-shame and condemnation over poor decisions I’ve made?
The road to self-shaming is exactly where our adversary would love for us to head down, but we are called to much more than this. We are called to walk a higher road because we are each beloved, dearly loved and chosen, children of God (if we have made the choice to be a child of God), among many other beautiful descriptions. If we truly believe this, all the way down to the core of who we are, then our actions will reflect these beliefs.
I hope more than anything that you each know how deeply cherished you are, that NOTHING can separate you from the love of Christ Jesus, that He chose you before the foundations of the world. I hope truly knowing and believing this will cause us to begin to hold our heads high, even through the many failures and mistakes we may make in our lives- because we know and believe we are loved and accepted–NO MATTER WHAT.
In the end, it was a such a good feeling to end the day today having made amends for my mistakes and still feeling victorious in a sense, that nothing could get me down and for once, not feeling like a total failure for my mistake but feeling I believe, a sense of how God feels about me–and how he feels about you too. I felt loved. I felt accepted. I felt no condemnation. What a good feeling. What a better way to live.